This is what it looked like. It was pretty heavy and my female strength arms had difficulty carrying it.
So I drove it up to Chatsworth hoping to trade it for a role in a **** production, but got lost and ended up at Alternative Offroad. I figured it was a perfect blend of my two favorite things in life: alternative girls and offroad ********. It was not. I'm considering deducting a star from my yelp review of the place for lack of alternative girls and false advertising. Not sure yet.
Anyway, James at Alternative opened up the box, found 5 6.7" Light Cannons, did some fancy shit with his drill and some poorly fitting grommets and some other tools and shit and bolted them on to my new RPG Offroad Light Hoop. The 3 middle light cannons are on the AUX 1 switch, the two outside cannons are on AUX 2, the D2 Ambers are on AUX 3, and my 20" RPG Raceline bumper mounted M&R 20" is on AUX 4. Here are some pictures of it done up:
(0/10 and 2/10 female FRFers, take note of how sexy I look in the reflection on the headlight. Straight up Bollywood chic there. Also disregard parts of this post below regarding an alleged girlfriend.) Check out those hella fresh RPG Vorsprung, err I mean, Method Race Wheels Mesh wheels on there too.
Notice how poorly placed the SVC sticker is on my back window. FRF member jeff (quite literally, apparently) slapped that on there and its driving my OCD rage out of control.
James gave me a pretty good bro discount on the covers for the light cannons and I ended up picking up 3 clear euro covers and 2 amber euro covers for the cannons. Because we took some time out for lunch, to drive up to Valencia to look at where Paul Walker died, and general bullshitting, it took basically all day and I was tired as birdman is gay and only snapped one photo of the cannons lighting up my poverty parking area:
That's with the 2 amber covers on and 3 euro covers on. Things I noticed immediately: they're bright as ****, the color temperature is really pleasant as compared to other lights, euro beam is pimp
Anyway, the next day I went to the dog park and got to admire how the elite poverty raptor looked with its new bling blang lights:
Side note: look at that manlet hipster with his stupid hat and his craft beer and instagrammed food filled belly. Look at him. He didn't notice or comment on my truck once. All the skanks at the park with their little purse dogs definitely took note though. ******* were drippin'.
Here is a picture of my ****** dogs, as collaged by my girlfriend:
Anyway that night I wasn't feeling too good (HIV poz lyfe, son) so I didn't get night shots till tonight. During the day today, I got to see real actual poverty and helped my friend who drove this hooptie from Austin -> Burbank (almost nonstop), and ride around with him all day in his poverty mobile. His low rider couldn't get up his parent's steep driveway with the trailer, so I towed it up there for him. Later, when he got stuck on a pothole on said steep driveway (lol minitrucks), I pulled him out. Who said the poverty raptor wasn't charitable?
Anyway, here are the night shots:
OEM HIDs only
OEM HIDs with the 5 euro covers (2 amber, 3 euro)
In this picture they are aimed way too low, but holy **** its bright.
OEM HIDs with no covers (all spot light)
Again aimed way too low.
As I was re-aiming the light up further down the road to show off how ******* far these ******** lights went, a police officer noticed me randomly parked in the middle of the street doing hoodrat things. He pulled up, and being a minority, I naturally feared for my life. While he admired my hella sick light setup, he told that it was pretty much illegal for me to be using those lights on the street and demanded I leave
, so no picture. Thankfully, he didn't ticket me, introduce me to his baton/stun gun, or care that I was violating CVC 24411 for lack of an opaque cover on my auxiliary lights. For reference though, here is a map:
I easily lit up the building at the end of that street, which was about 0.6 miles away. Holy **** at the range on these.
Oh yeah, James also wired up some Rigid Industries D2 Amber Wide pattern lights for me as dust lights. You can see them in the rear picture above.
Here's what the back looks like with just tail lights and one working license plate light:
Basically can't see shit.
D2's on. BAM ***** bright as ****. I don't really need extra lights for reversing, but its still kinda cool.
Here's what it looks like from behind. Disregard how my poverty Moto X cell phone camera captures it, its not blinding from the back until you get really close, and at that point, **** off tailgater. Highly recommend the D2 wide ambers as dust lights.
Anyway, shoutout to my girlfriend for believing me on the amount of money I spend on the truck, RPG for hooking me up with a sick light rack, Brendo31090210manlyyetslightlywesthollywoodgayface for buying my 50" Rigid E2 which financed this ridiculous lighting setup, James at Alternative Offroad for doing a pretty badass job wiring up the lights in a minimally poverty way, modern medicine for working on a cure for my AIDS, Vision X and Rigid for depleting my bank account, especially VisionX with your ridiculously priced covers, and God for being cool with letting me use naughty words and take his name in vain.
Last edited:
