“Not all who wander are lost” Tolkien
- Feb 27, 2014
- Reaction score
- Rocky Mountain High
Nope not anything to do with our Raptors or even Ford....or ...Tundras...sorry @FordTechOne .
So I'm struggling and feel like I've grown to have some brothers on here even though we haven't met. Noah and I have talked a lot for sure.
I'm learning to accept that I've got some issues that I deal with internally and try to suppress or hide..whatever. It does me no good to do this I understand but it's a sign of weakness and not being a soldier is all we are taught or even as a man if we express our feelings or deepest thoughts or fears. I'm trying to understand why things trigger me or set me off, and why once I go down that path it gets worse and darker. Going to the VA for mental health this Tuesday was degrading due to the fact that the lady at the desk called my name out loud, asked if I needed to speak to mental health even louder, and then even louder asked what was wrong with me or going on. Embarrassed and degraded i sat back down with 12 other people in the waiting room wondering how many were thinking this dude has issues. Whatever it is what it is. They called me back, checked my vitals and the nurse for mental health asked me what was going on, none of your business, your a nurse not a psychiatrist or mental health counselor. The doc came in the same room, asked me what was up, told me I wasn't enrolled in mental health and I need an appointment. Turned me away with no help or any appointment. So why do we have 22 a day kill themselves....I'd say this could be a reason. I finally have a appointment on 21 SEPT after contacting my DAV rep who made a lot of calls and got me taken care of as far as an appointment. I left and went to an appointment for my lower back, only to realize i drove an hour for no reason, with all i had going on i forgot my cd with my images...so they rescheduled me for 28 SEPT...get in traffic...not good with all I'm dealing with, drive to my school, help coach our JV football game, get our you know what kicked hard 22-0....but thank God for my coaches and those kids, spending time with them helped settle me down. I'm struggling but keeping it together even though I feel nuttier than a squirrel ****. I will never hurt myself or anyone else but this is tough and hard to accept. I know I'm not the only one who deals with this. Crazy how toxic leadership and having no trust in anyone but my platoon and closest battle buddies for almost a year caused me to have all the issues I have now. UXO in my face with 2 EOD guys does weigh on me and there's more to that situation, rockets every dang night for 4 months straight as well but we got rocket man..thank you SF guys and Romanian SOF for that adventure ...although his son was on it the next night, he was no where near as accurate lol. Just venting with what's on my mind my brother's and anyone else struggling, you aren't alone. The light is at the end of the tunnel and apparently I've been told it doesn't go boom.....lol
The biggest thing missing in all our lives when you move on from the military (after not enough God time) is the brotherhood we forged together in those harshest of places. Those were not just friends or work colleagues but my brothers! We were family to the end forged in the fire. And then one day you just get out and you don’t have that family anymore and your old friends from home are all gone or don’t understand you. Well iron sharpens iron and we are the brotherhood! (except space force)? Go find other men/vets who have been there done that and forge that fire again with some brothers who understand. There are great men’s groups at churches as well! We don’t need to always talk but sometimes someone just being there having your 6 to share that beer over and stare into a fire under a night sky is all you need to let you know that you are NOT ALONE and YOU MATTER. F-uck the government and the VA, it’s on us to take care of each other and as far as I am concerned you are all my brothers! If anyone ever needs to talk or vent I got you 100%! Any of you ever in Colorado you have a open door and a cold brew ready! God bless you all and a fuKing salute of respect for being the men holding the fuKing line! Damn proud to have served with YOU!