PTSD and me

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rngrjcw275

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All of my buddies are gone except for 2, and they are going down hill fast. I rarely ever see them, they always have tons of doctor visits. I spend most of my days by myself taking care of whatever. I talk in my head A LOT. I talk to my cats. Not to make this a religious thing....I talk to God all day long. He's the only one around to listen. I unload all kinds of sh*t on Him. He can take it. He understands. Point is, TALKING about it to SOMEONE is half the battle. I talk to my cats all day long, too. They think I'm nuts anyhow, but as long as I keep opening the food cans, they can tolerate me and all is good.

Things that bug me (and probably a lot of other guys) -

- Guilt about the past (mostly perceived). Did what we had to do, it's not like we 'liked it'.

- Survivors Guilt. Who knows why some make it and some don't. I should have been dead a dozen times. Maybe 3 dozen times. All I know is that MOST of those times there is NO WAY that I should have made it. Only an outside force (I now recognize as God) kept me alive. No other way. Almost all of my buddies are gone now. It's a lonely feeling. Can be depressing if I let it, but I don't let it.

- Need to get over the hump of focusing on yesterday and start looking ahead to the future. You can't do anything about the past, but you can do something about the future. I look forward to cooler weather, going camping, etc. I keep planning ahead, looking forward.

- For me, I have to have God. I have to believe that He kept me around for some reason. I still haven't figured it out yet, but there's something coming that He wants me to do, most likely to help others. Hopefully MANY others.

- TALK. I have to talk, to myself, to my cats, to my wife, to my friends, to God, to someone! Anyone who will listen. Those who have been there will be much better listeners and understand.

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Anyway, that's just me. Hopefully it might help someone else.
Your spot on, communication, community all that’s great, but God truly is the answer. He talk us being mad, sad, all the things we go through! Look at David, a man “who slew his tens of thousands..” Not with the weapons we use, but no kidding up close and personal hand to hand! Yet he was a “..man after Gods own heart”, even after all the other crap he did.. If God thought so much if him, then you know he truly loves and thinks of us that way! If your not already, I encourage you, find a church with some of our brothers in there, and there are a lot..

We have failed to do the one thing we say we do, help our brother to the left and right, by not being real with each other, and truly looking forward! We all have probably tried to find a way to numb XY or Z by finding it in many places, I know I did! It when push came to shove, the greatest peace I found was really getting to know our creator.. And having by the grace of God a wife now for 29 yrs.., who prayed me up good that’s for sure.

Anyhow, brother, props for being real, we need to do it alot more often. Real men know how to be real..
 

rngrjcw275

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Joined
Sep 5, 2023
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Location
Louisiana
Married 29 years myself, next month. Don't know how I made it with her, don't know how I could have made it without her.
Married 29 years myself, next month. Don't know how I made it with her, don't know how I could have made it without her.
I always tell folks, grace of God and a good woman I am who I am..and alive. She supported and raised three boys while her hubby was always deployed over 20+ times.. Woman are strong in spirit and prayer that’s for sure! We wouldn’t be who were are without them, they are the NCO, backbone, of the family. It’s literally biblical!
 
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